Thursday, March 10, 2011

Annoying Coworker Walks into the Bathroom...


Annoying Coworker 2.0: Portly, white, male who looks like your typical child predator.
 

Scene: Office bathroom. Awful room. Picture the room in the first Saw movie. The bathroom in this office is slightly better than that. There are two stalls to the left and a sink to the right. (OFF TOPIC: I hate this sink. there is a hot and cold knob for the faucet but the hot water is boiling kettle water and the cold is ice cold. Get worse.) The doors to the stalls are reminiscent to saloon doors in old westerns. They sway back and forth and have no locks. God forbid! There is a good amount of privacy for these shitty (pun!) conditions. So, once someone is inside a stall you know they are in the stall. You check the bottom and you see legs. End of story.

There I am sitting down on the throne minding my own business when the door to the bathroom opens.  I'm bummed I don't get to finish my session in piece but it's not a big deal. Except, my stall door opens (he pulls the door instead pushing the door!) and in slides Annoying Coworker!

What happens next takes all of 20 seconds of time but to me it's playing in slow motion. Here's what happened in those 20 seconds in real time:

I say, "Uh, what the fuck?"

"Sorry! Sorry!" says Annoying Coworker and slips out and into the stall next to mine. I zip up, flush, and wash my hands in disgust.

Here's what I keeps playing over and over in my head like the zapruder film:

Here's the thing, Annoying Coworker knew I was going to the bathroom. I passed the creepy fuck in the office to get there. I now recall him  looking at me as I walked by because I remember avoiding eye contact.

So he waits 30 seconds until he knows I'm going to be in some sort of undress (He couldn't have known if I was going #1 or #2). He opens the door to the bathroom and sees that I'm in the first stall. Here's the really messed up part of all of this: He knows that if he pushes the door open the door would hit me and his entrance would be foiled before he got into the stall. So what does he do? He opens the stall by pulling on the door. A move that is so bizarre, not because there is no handle, but because it's not an easy move to make. It takes a lot more effort to pull the door open then to push the door open and if there is one thing I know about AC is that he is lazy. He then slips in and is able to get a peak of my bare legs before he has to excuse himself and make an abrupt exit. I remember him searching my eyes for some sort of approval before he left. Maybe. I dunno. I was just pissed off that someone was invading my fucking space!

Who does that? Larry Craig wouldn't even do that! I don't even know if this is making any sense. I'm so angry. Who barges into a bathroom stall? 

Am I overreacting? Is this just an honest mistake by a simpleton or what?


1 comment:

  1. Hmm... your logic checks out. Pulling on a saloon door? Not likely. Wish you hadn't stopped blogging, this has been short but quite entertaining. Perhaps your workplace got better. :)

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