The Add-On

Office work environments have cycles. There is a routine that is just bound to happen. You sit down at your desk and you are there for 8 hours a day. It goes without saying that everyone has a different routine. Some people have OCD like routines: I sit down, open my email, open my fantasy baseball team page, get coffee.  Some people have quirky routines: A colleague of mine will get confused and stumble when he answers the phone from 11am until 2pm. He will start to say, "Good Mor- (look at the time and continue) -Afternoon." Some have unhealthy routines: A guy I know will go down for a cigarette every 90 minutes.

The point is: we all have our own personal character traits. It makes us who we are. We are perfectly imperfect human beings.  Take Annoying Coworker-please! She does something I like to call: The Add-on.

Lunch

Lunch is always a mission.  First of all there is nothing to eat that is interesting in the Flatiron District (There's so much Shake Shack a guy can handle). More importantly though is that I need to ask coworkers what they are doing for lunch without Annoying Coworker hearing.  This goes on like a god damn Mission Impossible scene. Sometimes emails are exchanged between two or three people sitting no more than 5 feet from one another. Other times, when Annoying Coworker steps out for the bathroom, we quickly discuss our options. The room lights up with conversation, much like the floor of the stock market, only to fall silent like a library once Annoying Coworker reenters the room.

We have our eating habits as well: If Annoying Coworker is in we eat at the lunch room. If not, we eat at our desks and listen to music, make jokes, enjoy life and all it's minute pleasures. We have, on occasion, fallen into the Annoying Coworker trap. The trap is set when Annoying Coworker leaves the office with her bag and coat and shuts off the lights (We fall for this trick all too often). We then go out and get our lunch and sit down at our desks and BAM Annoying Coworker enters the room with lunch. We are crest fallen when the lights go back on and she sits down with her lunch.

On the the end of the spectrum Annoying Coworker will leave for the day (at like 3pm) and leave the lights on. She will not say goodbye to anyone and just vanish.  But we sit and wait...and wait for her to come through the doorway and ruin our afternoon only to realize at 4:55pm that she has gone home for the day. 

So we play this cat and mouse game. Day in and day out. 5 days a week. 52 weeks a year.

Timeline: Good God Friday

The following is a timeline of questions and thoughts Annoying Coworker has asked me today. All event happen in real time (also: This is all fake and made up) My thoughts and quotes are in italics

9:00am: What are people doing this weekend? Do shut up

9:04am: Want to hear this french name? Take a wild fucking guess! No! No I do not want to hear a french name! 

9:05am: Do you have any pets?

9:13am: For some reason this program is not launching. Can you help me?

9:14am: What's the number one question people ask you? People ask me all the time if I am worried you will find out about this blog. Since you are fiction and made up in my head: No. I am not worried.  

9:16am: Transformers 2: "Really Great" - Annoying Coworker