Timeline: Good God Friday

The following is a timeline of questions and thoughts Annoying Coworker has asked me today. All event happen in real time (also: This is all fake and made up) My thoughts and quotes are in italics

9:00am: What are people doing this weekend? Do shut up

9:04am: Want to hear this french name? Take a wild fucking guess! No! No I do not want to hear a french name! 

9:05am: Do you have any pets?

9:13am: For some reason this program is not launching. Can you help me?

9:14am: What's the number one question people ask you? People ask me all the time if I am worried you will find out about this blog. Since you are fiction and made up in my head: No. I am not worried.  

9:16am: Transformers 2: "Really Great" - Annoying Coworker

9:18am: "She is going to be the next action, what do you call that, star?" -Annoying Coworker talking about Shia LaBeouf

9:29am: Do you have any plans for the summer? Besides plotting how to give you explosive diarrhea? None.

9:30am: We are thinking about going to Bear Mountain. Are there still bears living on Bear Mountain?

9:31am: Does Coney Island still have the Cyclone? Yes dummy! National landmark that shit!

9:34am: Who is this? (Alice in Chains - Down in a Hole unplugged) I accidentally started singing the chorus. This sparked her to ask. Note to self: Never sing

9:37am: Do you have any idea when Staten Island tickets go on sale?" I believe she is talking about the Yankee organization that plays on Staten Island as I do not think SI has started selling tickets to get into the island.

9:40am: This sounds like great road music (The Killers - Mr. Brightside) Visions of driving over a hundred in Arizona and throwing her out of my car are in my head

9:44am: Annoying Coworker is singing Beck - Loser So why don't I kill you??!


9:48am: Can I ask you to take 5 minutes to write down the top 5 questions people ask you? Fucking fuck fuck. Now I have homework? Ughhhhh.
Question 1: How do you not tell your Annoying Coworker to SHUT UP?!
Question 2: Have you ever dreamt about slapping Annoying Coworker with her Annoying Keyboard?
Question 3: Do you ever walk out the door of your apartment and realize Annoying Coworker will be at work and you almost stay home?
Question 4: Would you rather work with Annoying Coworker or do crystal meth?
Question 5: Have you ever thought about playing a prank on Annoying Coworker?

Answers at the bottom

10:06am: What else do I need besides the ethernet plug for this device? A power source. Oh okay! I did not know that.

10:26am: Is that Beck? Yes. That is so whack!

10:41: Wow, that's very Grapes of Wrath! (Referring to Presidents of the United States of America) She then talks about the book for 2 minutes until she finally says I should just mind my own business. Haha Silence.

11:11am: Red Hot Chili Peppers? Yes. This is the same song she asked me about last week was Red Hot Chili Peppers.

11:25am: Do you know anyone who sells accounting software? No. Gosh I want to be friends with them. Do you even have a friend? One good friend? I bet you do not.

12:02pm: Me: Do you want pizza?
Annoying Coworker: (looking deeply into my eyes): Yes! And I will contribute.
Me: Uhh, contribute what?
AC: Money
Me: Oh, well yeah.

12:32pm Are you having trouble getting online? No. Hmmm. I wonder why I am. Silence.  No sudden movements...

12:33pm: I wonder if my keyboard is shot (Annoying Coworker runs off to bother one of our bosses). Yup my batteries are dead.

12:58pm: My kid is learning how to play John Lennon songs. I think the key is to play them for his friends. Yeah! Because all the 6 year olds are jamming to Beatles songs!

1:08pm: Annoying Coworker hasn't said anything but I've just hung up on a personal conversation and I am fearing she will comment on the phone call. Please just remain quiet!

1:26pm: Do you ever (sic) like the Wallflowers? (One headlight is on) This is one of my favorite songs. I now want to hate this song. Damn you Annoying Coworker! Stop ruining my music!  I hate how you bop your head to my music! (seeing red)

1:28pm: Can I close the window? AKA: Kill my only happiness I have in this day. Instead of closing the window why don't you just stab me in the hand or spray me with mace? It would be the same result.

1:38pm: Do you know if I can use this system to do a screen shot? First of all: Who talks like this? She must be an alien. There is no other reason for her to say this sentence and expect anyone to understand what the fuck she is talking about.  System? Gawd. I now have to show her how to do a screen shot. This means getting up and actually touching her keyboard. Pretty sure this is the first time she has seen the CTR + V function.

2:03pm Do you like Nick Cave? No. Do you like him? Oh you do? Then I hate him. 

2:20pm (Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication is playing) Is that the theme song to that program? What program? Californication. Oh, no. It is not.  Oh, it should be.  Thanks, Captain Obvious.

2:45pm: Annoying Coworker asks multiple Annoying Questions that I answer with such venom I must now walk outside and buy myself a treat.

3:15pm: Annoying Coworker makes Annoying Comment about India.

3:19pm: Annoying Coworker #1 leaves the room and Annoying Coworker #2 has to talk to me. Truth be told I think Annoying Coworker #2 has a crush on me. The guy tried to get into my stall when I was using the restroom!

3:21pm: "Have you seen a bag of nuts? I misplaced them" -Annoying Coworker #2 to me.  The defense rests your Honor.

3:25pm: Annoying Coworker #2 leaves and Annoying Coworker #1 comes back. I feel like I am in a handicapped match in the WWF

Okay, I need to stop. Even I'm sick of this shit.  Thanks for reading.  This is my life folks.

Answer to Question 1: I've never been a cutter. But I am seriously thinking about starting. If not I may just lash out at her and scream. I remember meeting a few ladies who were cutters and they were sneaky attractive.

Answer to Q2: Oh man. Big time Yes. It's such a fantastic dream. Teeth go flying!

Answer to Q3: Every Monday. It's a sad moment. Sometimes it's not even at the apartment door. I'll be on the subway and then BANG. It'll hit me. It's a kin to realizing you left your keys or lunch on the counter.

Answer to Q4: Crystal Meth. Lots of Crystal Meth.  I need to start watching Breaking Bad

Answer to Q5: If by "prank" you mean having her seat eject her out the window and onto a strategically placed set of spikes that happen to be on the sidewalk then Yes.